Jim Walden Wants To Know: 'Why Do I Have To Keep Explaining To The Stupid?'

Well, that was certainly interesting.

Jim Walden went on 950 KJR with Ian Furness and Jason Puckett earlier today, and basically said everyone who even remotely believes Paul Wulff should be fired is an idiot. He also mentions that Captain America is a former QB for the Washington State Cougars, Tinkerbell causes miracles, and that Wulff doesn't need to sell himself to the donors/fan base because there is not a T. Boone Pickens or Phil Knight type booster.

Audio and further analysis after the jump. 

 

Listen to the audio here.

Did you get all of that? Have you taken time to breathe yet? Ok, let's examine some of the gems I wrote down, and then we'll examine it in greater detail after the quotes.

 

"I think Bill Moos and Elson Floyd are both too smart to make a coaching change. And I’m gonna leave it at that."

So, if they did in fact make a coaching change, by this logic, they're stupid? Well, ok then, Jim. Thanks for setting the record straight.

"Let’s take the 2008 season and throw it out."

So ... while I agree that it sucked coming in late, and he didn't really have time to get a recruiting class together, we should just completely ignore 2008? Look, I'm the guy who wrote the "let's take it easy on Wulff because oh my god the 2006 class completely ruined 2008", but even I think pretending like it shouldn't matter is a little irresponsible. Should it weight as much as the other seasons? No, probably not. I think he universally was given a pass for that one season, but to completely disregard it? That's foolish.

"Why do I have to keep explaining to the stupid?"

Because we're stupid, and need to be told things over and over and over. We also drink rum & orange crush, which basically makes decision making nearly impossible.

"All you bloggers out there, do you remember how bad it was?"

YES I EVEN WROTE ABOUT IT. BUT IT WAS IN MY UNDERWEAR, SO IT'S PROBABLY INVALID. CONTINUE, OH WISE ONE.

"Before we let our coach go, write down your list of coaches who you think we’ll get."

First, I'm not sure anyone thinks letting the coach go in the middle of the season is a good idea. So rosterbating (coachsterbating?) about a possible new coach at this point is stupid. However, do you really think, with the new Pac-12 TV money coming in next year, that we wouldn't be able to find a coach who is better than the current staff? Really?

"He won’t be a 1-AA guy, ‘cause we say those guys can’t coach, no matter how many of ‘em. We don’t want any Jim Tressels, ‘cause they got caught cheatin’."

What the hell does Jim Tressel have to do with anything? Not sure anyone thinks all FCS coaches are cheaters. This is just grasping at straws. He then goes on to make a comment about how perhaps it'll be an assistant from West Virginia, and I was completely baffled. I mean, more so than usual. Think about that for a second. Walden said something that made me more confused than he usually makes me.

"He doesn't have to. The Cougar fanbase doesn't give, that's a figment of imagination."

This was in response to a question posed by Furness which asked how much Wulff has to sell himself to the donors/fan base the rest of the season. He then rants for another few minutes on how terrible the WSU alums are and that they never donate money. He calls them the "poorest givers in all of college football" and berates them. Well I don't know about you guys, but hearing that I'm worthless and never give sure makes me want to give!

"Do we have a T. Boone Pickens that you know of? Do we have a guy who runs Nike that you know of?"

Who the hell does, dude? The reason you named those two humungous donors is because Phil Knight (Oregon) and T. Boone Pickens (Oklahoma State) are two of the largest donors in the country. You're really using this as your argument? That we don't have a billionaire donor who is giving the school 50 million dollars? That's your complaint?

"He cleaned up a drug ringed mess."

FROM GUYS THAT WULFF RECRUITED. OH MY GOD I'M SO ANGRY. Jamal Atofau and Andre Barrington were idiots. No one is disputing that. If they were innocent, they're stupid enough to live in a grow house. So Wulff had to get rid of those bad apples? DON'T OVERLOOK THE FACT THAT HE BROUGHT IN THOSE TWO BAD APPLES, YOU CHERRY PICKING BUFFOON.

"I've got proof that we drew 17,000 for the Oregon State game the year we went to the Rose Bowl (1997)."

That's funny, we never played Oregon State in 1997. The first of November, we traveled to Arizona State, where we suffered the first loss of the season. The next week, we hosted Louisiana-Lafayette (and won 77-7). So if your argument is we only had 17k for the Rajun Cajuns the week after a tough road loss? Then ... ok? But I would enjoy seeing this proof of Oregon State. My proof is here. I BET YOUR PROOF IS AN OLD TIMEY ANECDOTE ABOUT WALKING UPHILL BOTH WAYS.

 

Walden, throughout the interview compared Wulff to both Tyrone Willingham and Steve Sarkisian. He claimed that they both had more in the cupboard when they arrived, and that comparing them was not fair.

But ... Jim? You just compared them yourself.

His main talking point was comparing the 2008 Huskies, who went 0-12, to the 2011 Cougars, who are 3-4. His point was, the '08 Huskies (who don't get to throw out their season) lost Jake Locker and went winless. The '11 Cougars, on the other hand, lose Jeff Tuel and still go 3-4. WE IZ SO MUCH BETTERZ.

Nevermind that the Huskies played BYU, Oklahoma, and Notre Dame while the Cougars played Idaho State, UNLV, and San Diego State. I hate the Huskies as much as the next guy, but this is irresponsible. UW has nothing to do with WSU, and comparing the two makes no sense. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DAMN US FOR MAKING THE COMPARISON WE'RE NOT MAKING AND YOU ACTUALLY ARE.

Oh my god I hope I am this fun when I get to be 100.

My other favorite part of the interview was when he was comparing the QBs on the roster in 2009. He said "who would you rather have? Lopina, Lobbastael, or Locker?" completely ignoring the fact that Jeff Tuel was actually on the roster. Before this, he mentioned Steve Rogers was the QB in 2008. Steve took time out of his busy schedule from being a frozen superhero to lead the Cougs in '08, and has since gone on to star in his own movie.

Gary Rodgers, on the other hand, got knocked out due to injury. But yeah.

To end the interview, Furness reminded Walden that Tuel is, despite Walden's best efforts to convince us otherwise, not the only player on the roster. Walden responded by mentioning that his injury made the defense, and the other players, emotional. This is the reason for their poor play.

Problem solved, you guys. The defense haz the sadz and stopped trying. Poor Jeff Tuel. If he's not around, the rest of the guys just hang their heads and kick rocks because they're so sad.

 

Basically, I have no idea what the hell Walden was talking about. I've often called him a blowhard and a moron who says things to get attention, but this is taking it one step too far. Dude, go have a glass of prune juice and watch Murder She Wrote. It'll be ok.

Just for transparency, Walden coached at Wazzu for nine seasons. His record was 44-52-4, with three winning seasons. He graduated from Wyoming. I'm usually all for the "Once a Coug, Always a Coug" thing, but ... dude. Go away.