In Other Words

In no particular order…

1. Have a highly effective – and intrusive – HR department.  Make sure that they research every employees financial background, work history, and all personal matters that you can think of.  Remember that employees are not people, they’re resources.
2. Test for drugs and use security services to annoy employees.  It’s much easier than actually having a trust-relationship with them.
3. Monitor e-mail and phone calls coming and entering the offices.  There’s that trust thing again…
4. Always leave the low-level workers in the dark, especially about the available tools and resources.  Otherwise they might actually – you know – find out stuff.  That’s one-half the method used to grow mushrooms, by the way.
5. If you can avoid it, don’t hire permanent workers.  Use disposable contractors instead.  Then dispose of them at frequent intervals.  Can’t have the staffers feeling too secure, you know.  Never forget: regular lay-offs do wonders for employee moral.
6. Cubicles have a wonderful way of concentrating the mind.  Windows and natural light are distracting.
7. Always demand that employees arrive at 8:00 to maximize commute time during the morning rush.  They’ll try to leave at 5:00, so be sure to schedule two hour meetings at 4:00, to maximize commute time during the evening rush too.

This entry was posted on January 13, 2007 at 11:22 pm and is filed under General. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.