My daughter is very advanced. She started walking right at 12 months, knows all her letters, numbers and colors, and has already been nominated for a Pulitzer (by my mother.) Additionally, she isn’t waiting to turn 2 – she’s ready to be terrible RIGHT NOW.

God help me it’s been a long few months.

Last night she was tantruming for so long, that it basically became background noise, even to her. She was literally crying and screaming while she sat and colored in her coloring book, and would pause to ask for another crayon before continuing to color and cry. It was surreal.

Even more surreal is that when she’s not tantruming, she’s this little angel who smiles nonstop. It’s like she’s either extremely happy or extremely upset, with no in-between. And the worst part is that everyone who has a child says “it’s normal.” WHAT? This is normal? It’s like learning that it’s completely normal to wear your undies on your head or to eat through your butt. I don’t care if it’s normal, it’s weird, and it’s completely unnerving. I swear, if you try to talk to my husband or me lately, we’ll either snap at you or fall asleep on your shoulder. We’re tightly wound and unraveled at the same time.

Someone please tell me that early onset of the Terrible Two’s equals early end of the Terrible Two’s? I don’t care if it’s a lie, just humor me.