An Australian chav modelling the latest in stab-proof hoodiesOriginally uploaded by ozziebackpacker

What is a chav?That’s not a rhetorical question.Because before I leave these sunny shores I need to be able to pick a chav out of a lineup or at least name one CORRECTLY.Although I’ve written about them on this blog, I still don’t think I can do it – yet.Saying that Britain is obsessed with class is an understatement.I remember seeing this same quiz in all of the national papers shortly after arriving here: “What class are you?”How weird firstly that it would be in the paper, and secondly that people cared about such a matter.Since being here I have become kinda obsessed with the way that they are obsessed with it.After all, I do hail from a nation where there are only two classes: bogans and non-bogans.But in Blighty there are way more classes.There’s the lower upper and the upper middle lower and the middle upper – and then there’s others such as sloanies and chavs, and not forgetting, the royals.To say that I grapple with all of this is also an understatement.For instance I was left confused after being told that considering yourself middle class – which I do – was nothing to be proud of.I remember discussing this with my friend Kelly, from Canada, which is also relatively free of class.He’d also heard somebody being slagged off for apparently being middle class.”Oh they’re so middle class,” the person had said.So during a shift on Friday night, Natalie, a Brit who also considers herself middle class, and I decided to get to the bottom of things.Only I don’t think we got very far. In fact I think we threw up more questions (well, we are journalists) than anything.For instance, as Natalie said, if someone had lived on a council estate growing up and had a plumber as a father but gone to university and become a professional, would they still be considered lower class or could they claim to be the dreaded middle class?In other words does the British class system take into account accomplishments?Then we got onto chavs, definitely the funniest part of the conversation.We must have sounded like complete idiots, because at one point a sub looked over at us as – before getting up to leave.As usual, I had a million questions.What is a chav? (We still don’t know).Does it really stand for Council Housing and Violence? (Natalie had never heard of it).Is being a chav more of an attitude or do demographics count? (Both).Is it more than wearing gold chains? (Yes – but gold chains are a big part of it, as are fake Burberry shirts).Do you see them in the city? (Not really, unless they’ve got a court appearance).Or are they all just in Newcastle? (No, but the most hard-core ones are there).Do we really need such a term as chav? (The jury’s still out on this).Are we simply being elitist? (Yes, probably, but what else are we going to do on a boring night shift?)And, most interestingly, Is it a case of once a chav always a chav?For instance Jade Goody won Big Brother and now has a bit more moolah, but she still dresses badly and loves Essex.What about Coleen and Wayne?Okay, she might be about to walk down the aisle in an £100,000 Marchesa dress, but she came from a council estate in Liverpool, as did her footballer beau.The same could be said about a squillion other so-called celebrities constantly splashed across British newspapers and magazines – Victoria Beckham, Kerry Katona and Cheryl Cole to start with.Or what about Australia’s most famous chavs – Bec and Lleyton?So they got married at the Sydney Opera House.But they still wear tracksuits.Chavs or upper class?We didn’t get very far.But we did come up with an interesting theory: it all lies in the nose.For instance if you look at celebrities that might be considered chavs such as Jade, Coleen or Kerry, they all appear to have large Miss Piggy type noses.(This is operating on the assumption that there are just three classes -chavs, middle class and posh. Natalie also thinks this theory can be extended to the mouth).Kate Middleton, on the other hand, has a broader honker and could be considered middle class. (Although a lot of people say she’s posh and she undoubtedly will be able to move into this category when she weds Wills).But it’s not as refined as the nose that Zara Philips, who is considered posh, sports.For the rest of the night we were constantly holding up pictures of people in magazines and newspapers saying “right: chav, middle or posh?” (I think that might have been when the sub got up and left).But are we heading in the right direction?Does this theory stand up or does it fall down?Could it be used in Australia?Or should we really just find something else to do at work?? (ie proper news reporting).Our efforts have left me feeling more bewildered about chavs.I still don’t know if I can correctly identify a chav – or if I should even be using the term in the first place.But one thing’s certain: I wish the chav was around in my uni days.It certainly would have made all those Marxism lectures and tutorials a tad more exciting.Comments, questions and ideas, please people.