Excerpt from FHM True Stories:

 

Last year a group of us went to Amsterdam for the weekend for a beery break.

On the first night we did the usual Amsterdam thing: got hammered and had a good look at the variety of strippers on show.

Of the six of us there, one of my mates decided he was having too much of a laugh in the transvestite bar, and refused to come back with the rest of us.

At about 5 o'clock in the morning we heard him stagger into the hotel, Causing a commotion as he banged his way along the corridor. By the time he got to our room we were all awake. He was so bladdered, he couldn't even talk. Within seconds of hitting the bed he was fast asleep, and it was then that the rest of us decided to wind him up.

I spat into a condom, pulled down his pants and with the aid of a pencil poked the condom up his arse. Then we pulled his pants up and left him to sleep. The next morning we asked him how he got on after we'd left, but he refused To talk. He stayed in his room for the whole day, claiming that he was too Hungover to come out. That night he also refused to join us. On the last day of our holiday we finally asked him if he had taken the condom out of his arse. He lost it completely, and punched me in the face.

It was ages before he eventually saw the funny side.

 

Man caught out by Spanish glass.

Three mates and I went to Ibiza for 2 weeks.

A few days into the holiday, three of us were sitting by the hotel pool when some girls came over and asked if we were in the flat overlooking the main road.

When we said that we were, they laughed and said that we had better hang a towel across the window ( which went from floor to ceiling and appeared frosted from the inside ) because it was totally clear from the café across the road and everybody could see us showering.

Slightly embarrassed, we made our way back to the flat. Later on that evening our fourth friend, who hadn't heard about the window, went to have his shower.

We thought that it would be a laugh not to tell him about the "view" and went across to the café, pointing out the spectacle to other fellow holidaymakers.

Imagine our horror as our mate started to have a wank. Worse still, he put the showerhead to unusual and good effect. After all manner of contortions I thought enough was enough, and knocked on the bathroom door and told him to stick his head out of the window. When he did he was greeted with a loud cheer from the gathering crowd below, and refused to leave the apartment for the rest of the holiday.