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Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior First Edition

by Kerry Patterson (Author), Joseph Grenny (Author), Ron McMillan (Author),

4.6 451 ratings

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The authors of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations show you how to achieve personal, team, and organizational success by healing broken promises, resolving violated expectations, and influencing good behavior.

Discover skills to resolve touchy, controversial, and complex issues at work and at home--now available in this follow-up to the internationally popular Crucial Conversations.

Behind the problems that routinely plague organizations and families, you'll find individuals who are either unwilling or unable to deal with failed promises. Others have broken rules, missed deadlines, failed to live up to commitments, or just plain behaved badly--and nobody steps up to the issue. Or they do, but do a lousy job and create a whole new set of problems. Accountability suffers and new problems spring up. New research demonstrates that these disappointments aren't just irritating, they're costly--sapping organizational performance by twenty to fifty percent and accounting for up to ninety percent of divorces.

Crucial Confrontations teaches skills drawn from 10,000 hours of real-life observations to increase confidence in facing issues like:

An employee speaks to you in an insulting tone that crosses the line between sarcasm and insubordination. Now what?
Your boss just committed you to a deadline you know you can't meet--and not-so-subtly hinted he doesn't want to hear complaints about it.
Your son walks through the door sporting colorful new body art that raises your blood pressure by forty points. Speak now, pay later.
An accountant wonders how to step up to a client who is violating the law. Can you spell unemployment?
Family members fret over how to tell granddad that he should no longer drive his car. This is going to get ugly.
A nurse worries about what to say to an abusive physician. She quickly remembers "how things work around here" and decides not to say anything.

Everyone knows how to run for cover, or if adequately provoked, step up to these confrontations in a way that causes a real ruckus. That we have down pat. Crucial Confrontations teaches you how to deal with violated expectations in a way that solves the problem at hand, and doesn't harm the relationship--and in fact, even strengthens it.

Crucial Confrontations borrows from twenty years of research involving two groups. More than 25,000 people helped the authors identify those who were most influential during crucial confrontations. They spent 10,000 hours watching these people, documented what they saw, and then trained and tested with more than 300,000 people. Second, they measured the impact of crucial confrontations improvements on organizational and team performance--the results were immediate and sustainable: twenty to fifty percent improvements in measurable performance.

ISBN-10

0071446524
ISBN-13

978-0071446525
Edition

First Edition
Publisher

McGraw-Hill
Publication date

August 26, 2004
Language

English
Dimensions

1 x 6 x 9 inches
Print length

284 pages
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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

"...revolutionary ideas...opportunities for breakthrough..." -- Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

"...unleash the true potential of a relationship or organization and move it to the next level...."-- Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager® and The Secret: What Great Leaders Know--and Do

"... the most recommended and most effective resource in my library."-- Stacey Allerton Firth, Vice President, Human Resources, Ford of Canada

"...brilliant strategies for those difficult discussions at home and in the workplace..."--Soledad O'Brien, cohost of CNN's Morning Edition

"This book is the real deal....Read it, underline it, learn from it. It's a gem."-- Mike Murray, VP Human Resources and Administration, Microsoft (retired)

NEVER WALK AWAY FROM ANOTHER TOUCHY, CONTROVERSIAL, OR COMPLEX ISSUE--AT WORK OR AT HOME!

Behind the problems that routinely plague families, teams, and organizations are individuals who either can't or won't deal with failed promises. Others have broken rules, missed deadlines, or just plain behaved badly. If anybody steps up to the issue, they often do a lousy job and create a whole new set of problems.

New research demonstrates that these disappointments aren't just irritating. They're costly sapping organizational performance by 20-50 percent and accounting for up to 90 percent of divorces.

Crucial Confrontations teaches skills drawn from over 20,000 hours of real-life observations to increase confidence in facing tough issues. Learn to:

Permanently resolve failed promises and missed deadlines
Transform broken rules and bad behaviors into productive accountability
Strengthen relationships while solving problems

When you learn how to handle crucial confrontations, everything gets better.

From the Back Cover

"Hey, if you read only one 'management' book this decade...I'd insist that it be Crucial Confrontations."--from the foreword by TOM PETERS

"Revolutionary ideas...opportunities for breakthrough..." -- STEPHEN R. COVEY, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

"...unleash the true potential of a relationship or organization and move it to the next level...."-- KEN BLANCHARD, coauthor of The One Minute Manager® and The Secret: What Great Leaders Know--and Do

"The most recommended and most effective resource in my library."-- STACEY ALLERTON FIRTH, Vice President, Human Resources, Ford of Canada

"Brilliant strategies for those difficult discussions at home and in the workplace..."--SOLEDAD O'BRIEN, cohost of CNN's Morning Edition

"This book is the real deal....Read it, underline it, learn from it. It's a gem."-- MIKE MURRAY, VP Human Resources and Administration, Microsoft (retired)

NEVER WALK AWAY FROM ANOTHER TOUCHY, CONTROVERSIAL, OR COMPLEX ISSUE--AT WORK OR AT HOME!

Behind the problems that routinely plague families, teams, and organizations are individuals who either can't or won't deal with failed promises. Others have broken rules, missed deadlines, or just plain behaved badly. If anybody steps up to the issue, they often do a lousy job and create a whole new set of problems.

New research demonstrates that these disappointments aren't just irritating--they're costly--sapping organizational performance by 20 to 50 percent and accounting for up to 90 percent of divorces. Drawn from over 10,000 hours of real-life observations, Crucial Confrontations teaches skills to increase confidence in facing tough issues. Learn to:

Permanently resolve failed promises and missed deadlines
Transform broken rules and bad behaviors into productive accountability
Strengthen relationships while solving problems

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ McGraw-Hill; First Edition (August 26, 2004)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 284 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0071446524
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0071446525
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 1 x 6 x 9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #218,746 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #706 in Communication Skills
- #1,798 in Business Management (Books)
- #2,488 in Leadership & Motivation

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4.6 451 ratings

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Joseph Grenny
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Joseph Grenny: The Social Scientist for Business Performance
Joseph Grenny is a New York Times bestselling author, acclaimed keynote speaker, and leading social scientist for business performance. For thirty years, Joseph has delivered engaging keynotes at major conferences including the HSM World Business Forum at Radio City Music Hall. Joseph’s work has been translated into 28 languages, is available in 36 countries, and has generated results for 300 of the Fortune 500 and nearly half of the Forbes 1000.
Dynamic Keynote Speaker
Joseph has shared the stage with Jack Welch, Colin Powell, Jim Collins, Daniel Pink, Patrick Lencioni, and Brene Brown at some of the world’s premier leadership conferences and organizations including:
• HSM World Business Forum
• Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit
• American Society of Training and Development
• NASA
• American Bankers Association
Bestselling Author
Joseph is the coauthor of four immediate New York Times bestsellers with more than six million copies in print: Crucial Conversations, Crucial Influence (formerly published as Influencer), Crucial Accountability, and Change Anything.
He has contributed regularly to BusinessWeek and Forbes; appeared on The Today Show, CNN, Bloomberg, and Fox Business News; and been cited in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, USA Today, Los Angeles Times, and Washington Post.
Business Social Scientist
For the past thirty years, Joseph has conducted social science research to help leaders and organizations achieve new levels of performance. Specifically, he has focused on human behavior—the underlying written and unwritten rules that shape what employees do every day.
A protégé of Albert Bandura, Joseph’s internationally published research led to the development of his four books and four award-winning courses of the same titles. These tools have helped more than one million people and 300 of the Fortune 500 companies change human behavior.
Joseph was named an Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year for his work in founding corporate training and leadership development company VitalSmarts, which has been ranked nine times by Inc. as one of the fastest-growing companies in America.
www.josephgrenny.com
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Kerry Patterson
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Al Switzler
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Ron McMillan
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David Maxfield
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David Maxfield
David Maxfield is coauthor of three New York Times bestsellers: Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change Anything. David completed doctoral work in psychology at Stanford University and has since taught at Stanford University and the Marriott School of Management at Brigham Young University where he received the Motorola University's Distinguished Teaching Award and Stanford University's Dean's Award for Innovative Industrial Education. As vice president of research at VitalSmarts, David leads an ongoing series of research projects uncovering the negative impact of cultures of silence in organizations around the world. His research has been published widely including in the MIT Sloan Management Review, where his article "How to Have Influence" was awarded The 2009 Richard Beckhard Memorial Prize for the most outstanding article on planned change and organizational development.
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4.6 out of 5

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RML85

A book you'll keep in your office from now on!

Reviewed in the United States on October 16, 2014

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Seriously good read. This book is based on extensive research. They followed over 25,000 people over 2 decades in multiple industries to come up with the best practices based on both the good and the bad. It gets 5 stars for a few reasons. First, it's not dry in the least. Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler have compiled their methodology in an enlightening and often amusing way. I found myself laughing at their occasionally sarcastic undertones. However, the message was not sarcastic. Second, this book challenges you to find that space between cause and effect and fill it with as much information as possible, while getting yourself in control. The CPR method of content, pattern, and relationship really helps to pull the details of the confrontation into focus. It helps you deliver an effective message to the individual in your crucial confrontation which highlights the "real" issue and seeks a meaningful and effective end to it all. They challenge you to work on yourself first by mastering your story. In short, they tell you that before you go on a rampage and mow down the assailant, you must recognize that there is more to the story. For example, in order to understand the entirety of the situation, one of the many things you must do is to create a safe environment where the individual can open up and explain the rest of the story. This book goes beyond simplistic ideas of how to handle crucial confrontations. It breaks down what you need to do, gives you multiple examples, and emphasizes follow-up. Without follow-up, history is doomed to repeat itself regardless of circumstance. They incorporate the need for motivation, making it easy for the individual in question, staying focused and flexible due to emergent issues, etc. For some, this is common sense. If that is you, we need more people like you. For the majority of us, this is news! The message of this book is only useful if you can follow their advice and move forward with a cool head.
Don't read any reviews with negative commentary. This book is necessary for everyone in leadership and management. It is necessary for anyone who deals with other human beings. In short, it takes what confrontation skills you've assimilated over the course of your life and sharpens and adds to them.

9 people found this helpful

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stingray

My review will have given them 10+ stars

Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2010

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I can't praise these authors enough. In fact, they are due for another book and I look forward to reading it. Having already read , "Influencer" and "Crucial Conversation" , I knew what to expect from these excellent writers with Crucial Confrontation.

General Overview
The reasons I love these books are because at the end of each book, they do a beautiful job of tying all together. For me this is extremely important. After reading 300+ pages, at the end they tell you, what does it all mean to me and how can I use these wonderful skills in my own life. They summarizes it all and give you specific examples that you can use NOW to become better skill person on handling high stake conversations or confrontations or influencing people or a group of people.

They tell you to practice one specific skill a week until you get the hang of it. So many books spew theories and concepts and at the end say thank you very much and I hope you use what we just told you and you like what. How? where do I start? there is just too much information, etc, etc. On the opposite side, these incredible authors tell you exactly how to use the skills, they will say if there are two things you walk away from this book, they are, (example in this book, establish safety and describe the gap) and give you examples. There is so much I can say and praise these three books and especially Crucial Confrontation( my favorite)but I say only that I strongly recommend for you to pick one up and find out for yourself.

Crucial Confrontation

There is a three concept model that you use and these are the skills that good and excellent practitioners use when there is a crucial confrontation.

The model has three component of Confrontation: The Before, The During and The After- with a Side Bar for unexpected contingencies

The Before: This is when you plan how you going to confront this person, who betray your trust, or , started rumors or is out to get you. Is the WHAT and IF concept.
WHAT exactly happened, and WHAT issue are you going to confront-get the facts, and usually there are many issues involved, that need to be confronted , they talked bad about you, they told a specific lie , but I believe the bigger issue is the relationship, this is a person who you trusted and is lying about you, The confrontation many times is the relationship, and that is what should be confronted. Also, it talks IF , you should confront the person. Is it worth it? what will you lose if you don't, how much is it bothering you.
The second part of the equation, is not to get angry , you have to leave your emotions out of it. This is done what the authors call, MASTER MY STORY, think of reasons why this person is doing it ( besides being just evil), the question to ask , why would a decent rational person do this. The idea is to make the person , human and not a villain and it that way to approach it in a more normal conversation and not going in there half cocked and ready to do battle.
Real important in this phase is to ask yourself: What do I really want out of this confrontation? This will keep you focus. Also, a technique you can use in this phase is called CPR: C=Content( facts) P=Pattern( this is the second time) last R= relationship(trust).

During the confrontation: the authors called it, DESCRIBE THE GAP. this is where you tell the story (facts) not conclusions, just the facts-of what is expected and what happened. The most important part of this is to create safety. Safety is created by stating the mutual purpose you both have and thinking before hand -what is the worse this person think I am saying and use contrast to say what you mean and not mean like I'm not accusing you of lying but I want to get the facts. Start with the facts (how you start, the first 10 seconds are crucial and set the tone for the confrontation it should start and end with a tentative question) and by ending with a question, it helps diagnose the problem. After you listen, look for motivation and ability. Make it motivating and make it easy for them and this has to do more with work , them personal relationships. The book says look at six sources of influence.

After the confrontation- AGREE ON A PLAN AND FOLLOW UP. This basically means that you can tell the person, I can count on you for support - most important, Who does what , when and who will follow up and ask the question, are we leaving out any barriers or unforeseen things. Let discuss this in 30 days and we where we are, this is very important-remember mutual purpose.

And the side bar, STAY FOCUS AND FLEXIBLE, and what that means, they might throw in another problem and you have to decide deal with the new problem, is it more serious (if you do, you bookmark the original problem and say we'll get back to that later, let discuss this new situation I was not aware of) , if the new problem is a small or distracting tactic, you get back to the original problem.

I love this book, Buy it, read it and it will definitely improve your life with people.
.

8 people found this helpful

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Rebecca W

Wish I had read it years ago

Reviewed in the United States on July 22, 2010

Verified Purchase

This is the second book by the same authors, the first being Crucial Conversations. This book expands upon the first one by examining confrontations specifically be they at home or in the workplace (or any other place). The premise of the book is that everyone can improve their ability to handle crucial confrontations if they learn to apply specific skills. Like their first book I wish I had begun studying this one a long time ago.

The authors are a group of researchers who have been studying this topic for decades. Essentially what they have done is study people who are very good at dealing with crucial confrontations and compare what these highly skilled people do that is different from everyone else. The result is a detailed step-by-step guide that teaches the principles for handling these situations so that they result in successful resolution of the problem and enhance the interpersonal relationship.

Crucial Confrontations is full of examples from the author's collective case studies. These examples are integrated into every section of the book enabling the reader to immediately see the situations where the skills are put to use. Also at the end of the book the authors talk through several very difficult situations. Through it all "Crucial Confrontations" provides some deep insights into interpersonal interactions that are very enlightening.

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Cheryl Wallace

great to listen to over and over

Reviewed in Canada on July 31, 2020

Verified Purchase

I love this series of books. I have listened to them all several times and get something different out of them each time. They give practical examples that help you apply the knowledge.

One person found this helpful

Cliente Amazon

CRUCIAL CONFRONTATIONS

Reviewed in Spain on January 2, 2016

Verified Purchase

Satisfecho por la compra. El contenido me está siendo de mucho interés y el estado del libro es bueno.
Gracias

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Jane

Helpful management tool

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 12, 2013

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This is an esssential tool for any person who has top deal with issues at work or at home. It gives a real insight in to methods of communication that work and dont work. Its helping me to manage more effectively

One person found this helpful

HazelE

Great way of learning objection handling techniques

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 2, 2016

Verified Purchase

Great way of learning objection handling techniques. Moving into a new role at work this book really helped me.

One person found this helpful

Fran

A must-have for parents, leaders and people who want to improve their communication skills

Reviewed in Canada on February 18, 2014

Verified Purchase

I've had this book for more than a year now and I always go back to it whenever I am facing a possible confrontation. In this book you can find the help you need to become better at handling confrontations. The authors show you step by step what you have to take into consideration so you can address a problem by treating the people being confronted skillfully and in a respectful manner.

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