McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.
Our Latest Post
-
Short Imagined Monologues
I Am the Only Person on the Fury Road Who Still Drives a Sensible Car
“I realize a 2006 Toyota Camry may not be very flashy or deadly, but it’s dependable, sturdy, and, affordable. And I’ve realized that’s what I need to survive this endless nightmare humanity has created for itself.” -
A Rejection Letter for Heart of Darkness, Written by Dani Hatcher—the Sixteen-Year-Old Daughter of Laura Hatcher, Senior Editor at Random House—Who Has Been Freaky Friday-ed into Laura’s Body
“Joe, want to know what the actual heart of darkness is? Menopause. Jesus, Joey. The horror! The horror! I’m sweating, and then I’m freezing, and then I’m angry, and then I want to punch a wall and have my hair stroked by someone named Mark Harmon.” -
Short Imagined Monologues
I’m Voting for Him, Not Endorsing Him—There’s a Huge Difference
“An endorsement would mean I’m staking my own character against his, and that would be insane. He’s a very bad man. I’m not doing that. But I am voting for him.” -
If I, the Heiress to a Pickle-Manufacturing Magnate, Can Make It in This Business, Anyone Can
“Yes, my father is the number one producer of pickles worldwide, but please don’t be so crass as to suggest that my success has anything to do with his. I make sweet pickles, not dill—it’s an entirely different industry.” -
“The Three Little Pigs Are Hurting Their Own Cause,” an Op-Ed by the Big Bad Wolf
“I have listened to the little pigs. I have heard the insensitive way they respond to critics. ‘We need stronger homes,’ they say. ‘The Big Bad Wolf blew right through our past two,’ they cry. These kinds of tantrums do nothing to win hearts and minds.”
Trending
-
May 10, 2024What Your Favorite ’90s Band Says About the Kind of Bored Suburban Mom You Are Today
-
May 9, 2024Deciphering Your Daughter’s “MOM” Texts
-
May 17, 2024The Handmaid’s Tale or Harrison Butker’s Commencement Speech?
-
May 16, 2024An Open Letter to Whoever Keeps Making My Wife Laugh on Slack
-
June 17, 2021What Your Favorite ’90s Rock Band Says About the Type of Bored Suburban Dad You Are Today
-
April 18, 2024Good News, Husband: I’ve Become a Tradwife
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
-
May 24, 2024Excerpts from The Believer:: Take the W: Interpretations
-
May 22, 2024How to Craft a Eulogy When All You Want to Do Is Crawl in a Hole
-
May 21, 2024Been There, Smelled That: Nose Dive into Mexico City
-
May 20, 2024Chronicles of a Catsitter: King Fluff, Ding Dong, Pilaf, and Freddy
-
May 17, 2024Excerpts from The Believer:: Take the W: Entry Points
-
May 15, 2024“Ruining Your Credit So No One Wants to Steal Your Identity”: An Excerpt from Evan Waite’s New Book, Life Wants You Dead
-
May 13, 2024Sorry Not Sorry: Why Did Two Grandmasters Apologize to Each Other?
News & Announcements
-
SAN FRANCISCO: Global Stories from the Automated Welfare State: A Conversation with Virginia Eubanks and Dave Eggers. June 6. Click for details.
-
Congratulations to Believer co-founder Ed Park and Believer editor Andrew Leland for being 2024 Pulitzer Prize finalists!
-
Behold the heroes on our Patreon Donor Wall of Fame!
-
Visit DAVEEGGERS.NET
Over in the Store
-
“A key barometer of the literary climate.” —The New York Times
-
Winner of the John Newbery Medal. "Here is a book that is truly for all ages, as only the best stories are."
—Isaac Fitzgerald, The Today Show (author's pick) -
Introducing the next Rare Torso t-shirt, designed by Jim James and Dave Eggers, and benefiting the Young Authors Greenhouse. Available for one week only before vanishing forever!
-
After a half decade away, the award-winning The Believer is back at McSweeney's. Subscribe today!
Recent Posts
-
May 22, 2024An Unrecognized Device Has Logged into Your Account
-
May 21, 2024Ballet Flats Are Back—Can’t Wait for My Feet to Hurt and Stink for Fashion
-
May 21, 2024Upsetting Social Media Ads for Mobile Games
-
May 20, 2024And on the Seventh Day, They Planned Their Meals for the Week
-
May 20, 2024So Sorry! Just Seeing Your Ransom Note Now
Please engage with our brand on social media.
- Email Us
- 849 Valencia St.
SF, CA 94110
Right this way…